Words that kill, words that heal, that make a new earth

LOLcat - I Must Go

Words matter…i realized today that words are my passion.

words my mom’s cousin Fletcher Kneble got to be a best selling author using

words that heal

words that kill

words and pictures that were put forth to the public, that angered some insane psychopaths who then killed a lot of people

Words matter, pictures matter, music matters. What is put out via any media outlet MATTERS.

I have been feeling like my life is a bust, since i am over half a century old and have done nothing that really has helped to heal the pain of the human race or make anything better or offer up any solutions to the myriad strife and suffering.

but today i decided to be passionate about making a difference —-and how?

With the words, the words… the words that i offer up…

the words that i write, speak , sing, share on line, or in person or in a magazine or a book or with my family, neighbors, store clerks

WORDS MATTER. i love words and what they can do, they CHANGE the world,…make it better or make it worse…

they have to be considered carefully, p[preferably with love and healing as their aim… and humor absolutely,…

humor in words is one of the best teachers and healers there is or ever will be
I don’ follow news but my heart is hurt so much, at anyone dying , being killed.

it hurts for the killed and the killers and all the relatives and friends, this is a state of deep sorrow for the human race… as was 9 11 and the other acts of terror.
it means we choose and use our words with purpose, with love, knowing that our words have POWER ….they MOTIVATE people do do things, bad things or good things; but words are the foundation of who we are, they are what we have that other species (for the most part) don’t have…
we are the ones who with our words can re-make the entire human race into something better, a human race without war, without hate, without fear….

we can COMMUNICATE with scared and sick people to help them, to comfort them, and sometimes to appease them to make sure they don’t hurt or kill anyone (or at least take it as our duty to be aware of hate and fear inside people who are very sick, that can lead to killing. To be aware that what we do can reduce and eventually eliminate the fear and hate.

that is certainly a reason for me to live, for anyone to live, maybe it is the ONLY reason anyone is on earth at all, to SOLVE these problems… not to futilely seek pleasure, buy things, make gobs of money to hoard…

to be a voice. A VOICE that may appease or heal one or one million who fear and hate, to be a force that is the light that illuminates the dark….

if you think of light,….it doesn’t need to fight or argue with dark…cause anywhere there is light it just magically removes the darkness… merely by existing…no force needed, simply allow the light to be , to be.

The light.

The light.

The light

…the light. Allow it to simply be..,.

Excited at first? Has your plan to blog daily lost it’s dazzle?

Yesterday I posted for the first time in a long time, and I don’t know why or how, but my whole day went better.  I recall how it was when I started; I thought “this blog will be my positive start to each day, a way to listen to the loving voices in me and defuse the doubting, depressed ones.”  Then alas, I fell off the trolley.,..but as in my post from yesterday, I now simply BEGIN AGAIN.

Because it works, it feels good…no need to analyze or justify, if something keeps you working on your goals, frees you from negative monkey mind, just keep doing it for Gods’ sake!

What does it take to get you (i. e. me)  in your own corner, rooting for yourself?  You (I) root for others and would never think of saying, “so…you find blogging a great benefit…oh well, don’t bother, you’re too busy, you don’t have anything to say…”

…and yet that kind of self talk is what kept me away from blogging.

One of my favorite parts about this blog is when I post a jazz video.  Then when I begin practicing guitar I have a vivid sound and picture of why I am putting in all this effort on drills and such…Today’s video is by  jazz guitar icon Grant Green, with a great band backing him up.

For me, it is imperative that I watch role models doing things that I aspires to.  Rather than compare myself and feel I have fallen short, I love hearing the great jazz, it ignites my desire to play the best I can, to allow myself to picture the gigs I plan to get, and picture them going fantastically, and the venues inviting me to come and play all the time, for a decent amount of money or other compensation.

You see, just writing that makes it seem possible, not a distant pipe dream…it makes me wanna up my guitar practice to 7 a day..not hard at all.

I hope my story helps you to start blogging again if you have drifted away like me.

We all need love to thrive, artists, waitresses, CEOs, clerks at Home Depot, the Homeless, the Mentally Ill…

dogRaincoatThis picture really speaks volumes about love shared between a human and an animal, and that is a good start, but we also need love between human beings, everywhere we go:

We cannot depend solely on our family—sometimes, even though they love us, the soul craves something more, something to move us, inspire passion (sexual or otherwise).

Today I crave love, perhaps excitement…and here I am attempting to practice – but my music comes from love, no love-no music!

It is a vicious cycle:

I keep myself home to practice many hours per day, but in being alone so much with the guitar just sitting there, love dwindles away.

Just admitting the need for love, my soul begins to heal.  I realize I can purposefully go into my lovely community and share smiles and love with the people I am drawn to.  I try to sneak out of that task, hoping some fantasy of the perfect love is all I need…TRUTH:  I, like you, need many sources of love, or as we said back in the 70s, strokes.  We now have “Meet Up”, thank God, because it offers so many great ways to connect.  My best friends are ones I met via Meet Up.

SO, as to love:

..I need it…or I shall die…that’s all for now…bye bye

PS – If you go to Home Depot , or any other shop, smile and ask an employee “How are you doing?”  Then stop and listen while they respond.  If possible, make a comment that could just be the thing they needed in their present predicament. It will bring a bit of love to their soul!


Top 10 Ways to Feel Beautiful Today

beauty eHaving a hard time in life?  Me to!  Lately I have been depressed and worse…I have also been ecstatic with joy…Neither one is who I am, or is more valid.  Today I want to stack the deck in favor of the joyful, so I will use the following list as my guide.

1. When I second guess myself, I will stick with the initial instinct and tell the second guesser, thanks for trying to protect me, but there is no danger here.

2.  When I have the tiniest of a good feeling I will jump up and down to acknowledge it and feed into it, ask it what it needs to get bigger and to stay around

3.  When I feel anger I will breathe slowly several times and say “I am completely stopping”, “I expect nothing”  “I now focus on____(and name the task)” and “I trust my inner resources”, “I embrace the here and now”

4.  When I begin to slip into time gobblers, or what i call Time-Sucks,  that divert me from my art and important things, I will stop and say “Time-sucks, you suck, I don’t want you yucky yuk” (i.e. Facebook, multiple You Tube videos, trolling on Netflix for that great show I never seem to find…)

5.  When I begin to berate myself for not having gotten farther in my goal (in my case guitar playing) I will think back to where I was 6 months and 1 month ago and be awed by how much better i have become, then continue to practice with loving acceptance of where I am now

6.  I will notice each time I use “either-or” thinking:  Whenever I feel stress, I will ask, what am I thinking now that is forcing me to take one side or the other…and then I will say, there is no black/white, I don’t have to choose this or that, I can rise above both choices unto a higher purpose, that of loving kindness in the here and now.  For me, stress caused by a nagging need to take a side on something is really anxiety about the future, and makes me miss the present moment entirely. I relinquish anxiety about the future

7.  I will let go of the past:  Pictures of things that happened long ago, whether happy or not,  will be swallowed up in the river of now,  will float down the stream with the flotsam and jetsam of all that is, which I call Siddhartha’s river – I have a prior post about this.

8.  I will gently contemplate as the spirit moves me, about what to write in tomorrow’s post, knowing that starting my day writing a post helps me to embrace my inner knowing and that writing these posts is one way I can add more love to the world

9. I will take a pause before eating or drinking anything and ask, is this choice going to make me feel good, while I consume it, and directly after, and an hour later (for me many foods cause me to have pains and such so this is important for me).

10.  I will begin my practice by watching and listening to the masters (my one allowance in the you-tube zone) and embrace this:  When I see great art/music and hear it, the part of me that can enjoy it is also the part that can create it.

I hope some of these resonate with you, readers. If so, share a comment or 2 and thanks for stopping by.


Each day there is that pull, to just sit in the chair and stare at videos on you tube or tv, eat all day even though I am not hungry, and just quit my jazz guitar adventure….but this blog is helping me to commit to something greater.  Each day i have to be aware that the habit of just becoming a depressed blob is there, and I have to read, write  meditate (NOT medicate), take a walk…do anything I can to rally myself to be on my own side, to not pretend that I don’t exist…

To me, depression is a feeling like you don’t exist, and yet you are here…the pain that, yes, you ARE here and you must accept yourself.

How do you accept yourself, love yourself, show yourself the loving kindness you would to a friend or a child?  There, I have begun to turn it around…

I imagine a kid on Christmas, a child…the child in me…what right do I have to deny her the chance to live, to have fun, to hurl off the fetters of depression and low self esteem and just declare “I AM HERE, YOU BETTER NOT FUCK ME OVER TODAY YOU BITCH”

Maybe that is me talking to the bad person my mom sometimes was to me, the mom that wished i would just disappear –the “uncaring mom” that now lives in my head.. that thinks i am too much trouble to have around…

BUT THERE ALSO THE LOVING MOM..the one in my head, and the one my mom was before we become disconnected from each other.

That is the mom I will have with me today, the one that loves me and wants me to succeed, to love playing jazz guitar, to eat in a healthy and tasty way, and to get exercise in the outdoors–by the way, studies have shown that exercise is as effective as anti depressants at countering depression!!!!

YEP it is time to LIVE my life, play jazz music, and try to be part of the solution for me and others like me, that artists  the sensitive ones…here is to all of you my fellow bloggers!

Here is a fav jazz player, Herb Ellis, so free in his playing…now THAT is something that washes away your depression! learning to play jazz guitar…(or _____ – insert whatever works for you, something that demands you be in the PRESENT!)

Peace with my Past

All my life I have had this sad feeling whenever i think of anything past, people who’ve gone, jobs lost, a lost time in my life.  Today i will reframe this — I don’t like the sad feeling, like things were good then but now nothing matter,  That is an habitual response whenever something triggers a connection to a past person or time or place.  Currently i have a new response when those feelings are triggered. I have researched physics and other writings about time- that it is an illusion – this concept enables me to be free from pain about the past or wistful nostalgia – as if those times were better.  Since my mom died recently it is more clear than ever to me, that the present is all we have. And the “have my cake and eat it too” in all this is: Since there is only now, all those things that trigger in my memory are not really PAST.  They are all part of the here and now, not gone.  Feelings i had then, i have now, if i choose to.  Feelings of pain about the past, or regrets, become suddenly light weight and no longer have power to depress me, once i realize there is only now and that all that has happened, will happen and is happening is all RIGHT NOW. That all i AM is here and now – I am not the past, nor defined by it, nor a victim of it, anymore than if i were to see a movie in which a person was victimized and from then on i would be a victim.

When you think of the tiny dot of time that humans have been alive, it is easier to realize that my tiny amount of time on earth, my past, present and future is all one event, not some long drawn out linear thing… This is going somewhere…umm…it means that the pain, the draining of motivation, that accompanies thoughts and feelings about past things…can be obliterated… How can that be?  Here is how; When i think of a past thing, like my mom in the kitchen when i was 5, since i come from the vantage point that time is an illusion, i don’t need to feel some deep sadness that my mon died or that i am no longer this little child without the harsh experiences of an adult. because really when I was 5  i was also 50, and when i am 50 i am also 5.  I have access to all times, feelings, happiness, innocence, to the blazingly bright and perfect worldview of that little girl, only now with the wisdom of a zen guru added in, making live all the more amazing and opened to all the best infinite possibilites.

The past no longer has to be suppressed – i used to suppress thots or feelings about the past –that can be triggered in many ways, many times a day: a song, a photo, driving by a place i lived before.  I suppressed the feelings because i wanted to prove how the past didn’t matter, that i was smarter now and did not care about it.  The suppressing ate up my energy and enjoyment of the present.

But now i don’t have to suppress it. that means i can be in power in the present, allow the feelings to occur, and acknowledge they are part of the here and now, not some past tragic/happy thing that is gone forever..then if they help me do better in the here and now I enjoy the feelings/thoughts  of the past, if they don’t help, i say to myself – that is an illusion just as time is an illusion – that event from 1960 or whatever is not determining my here and now, except to the extent i can learn from it…