Listen first, then listen again, then some more, and then decide to be quiet

10858497_10153095268990850_7376995795256107858_nAll my life my mom used to say “you need to learn to listen”, at which time I became royally offended and hated my mom and thought she was the enemy.

In a way she was– judgmental and negative, but she was right about my needing to listen.

Not sure to what, but after she passed I found out how important listening was.  Listening to something besides my relentless  self recriminations .

Virtually anything I listen to (or read, for in the act of reading I am speaking the author’s words in my head) is better than what I call Ms. Bad-Sad–that default feeling/thought/voice track in my head and heart.

That is because the original dysfunctional messages are there for time immemorial – no matter how much I know about enlightenment, NLP, Jungian approaches, and dozens of other tools for transcending a mentally ill family mind-set.

This bad sad mind track is only harmful if it goes unnoticed.  And once noticed it is only bad if I try to deny or argue with it or mask it over with “positive thinking”.  It is most beneficial when I accept it for what it is and is not:

What it is  – old messages and attitudes from a mentally ill upbringing.

What it is not – the deciding factor in who I am, how I feel, or what I can achieve.

But it is there, period.  It is possible to befriend and peacefully co-exist with Ms. Bad-Sad, provided I  start of every single day listening to things that quiet her:

Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen–

–to songs, meditations, books on tape, written materials, and people when available,  that are evolved, kind, accepting, and affirming of my pure desire and deservedness of love, fun, and high self-regard.

Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen…

to the love within me, my need for love, and my capacity to be, give and receive love.

This goes against my resident crepe hanger voice – since human loving kindness and love between people was declared (albeit silently by actions and attitudes) nonexistent by my mentally ill family, unless in the framework of traditional religion.

Listen – to my inner wise self, hidden beneath the daily barrage – my solid and ageless self, aligned with  all the love and motivation in the entire universe

So today, I begin, late but I do begin, by listening, quietly, silently… to loving, kind, self-accepting messages, letting them soak into me.

Right now I hear a book on tape called Ask and It is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks.  Tomorrow I will play Shakti Gawain’s guided visualizations.  It can be anything, as long as the message is allowed to exist in the deep recesses of the mind/heart/soul.  That is why you writers and artists out there need to keep producing, because there can never be too many life-affirming loving and kind books, poems, songs, stories, coffee mugs, bumper stickers, t-shirts, art and craft gizmos…the more there are, the more they will outweigh the hateful, superstitious, false, fear based, or apathetic books, articles, shows and songs out there.

Every morning I will read,  play, and especially sing messages that give me the choice,  all over again, to declare I am not Ms Bad-Sad–she is just a roommate, and that I deserve a good life, success, friends and fun.

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Words that kill, words that heal, that make a new earth

LOLcat - I Must Go

Words matter…i realized today that words are my passion.

words my mom’s cousin Fletcher Kneble got to be a best selling author using

words that heal

words that kill

words and pictures that were put forth to the public, that angered some insane psychopaths who then killed a lot of people

Words matter, pictures matter, music matters. What is put out via any media outlet MATTERS.

I have been feeling like my life is a bust, since i am over half a century old and have done nothing that really has helped to heal the pain of the human race or make anything better or offer up any solutions to the myriad strife and suffering.

but today i decided to be passionate about making a difference —-and how?

With the words, the words… the words that i offer up…

the words that i write, speak , sing, share on line, or in person or in a magazine or a book or with my family, neighbors, store clerks

WORDS MATTER. i love words and what they can do, they CHANGE the world,…make it better or make it worse…

they have to be considered carefully, p[preferably with love and healing as their aim… and humor absolutely,…

humor in words is one of the best teachers and healers there is or ever will be
I don’ follow news but my heart is hurt so much, at anyone dying , being killed.

it hurts for the killed and the killers and all the relatives and friends, this is a state of deep sorrow for the human race… as was 9 11 and the other acts of terror.
it means we choose and use our words with purpose, with love, knowing that our words have POWER ….they MOTIVATE people do do things, bad things or good things; but words are the foundation of who we are, they are what we have that other species (for the most part) don’t have…
we are the ones who with our words can re-make the entire human race into something better, a human race without war, without hate, without fear….

we can COMMUNICATE with scared and sick people to help them, to comfort them, and sometimes to appease them to make sure they don’t hurt or kill anyone (or at least take it as our duty to be aware of hate and fear inside people who are very sick, that can lead to killing. To be aware that what we do can reduce and eventually eliminate the fear and hate.

that is certainly a reason for me to live, for anyone to live, maybe it is the ONLY reason anyone is on earth at all, to SOLVE these problems… not to futilely seek pleasure, buy things, make gobs of money to hoard…

to be a voice. A VOICE that may appease or heal one or one million who fear and hate, to be a force that is the light that illuminates the dark….

if you think of light,….it doesn’t need to fight or argue with dark…cause anywhere there is light it just magically removes the darkness… merely by existing…no force needed, simply allow the light to be , to be.

The light.

The light.

The light

…the light. Allow it to simply be..,.

The Most Beautiful Motivating Book on Writing that You Will Ever Read: If You Want to Write, by Brenda Ueland

If You Want to WriteFrom author Brenda Ueland’s book, “If you want to write”

“Why should we all use our creative power and write or paint or play music, or whatever it tells us to do? Because there is nothing that makes people so generous, joyful, lively, bold and compassionate, so indifferent to fighting and accumulation of objects and money.  Because the best way to know Truth and Beauty is to try to express it. And what is the purpose of existence Here or Yonder but to discover truth and beauty and express it, i.e. share it with others.”

Many famous authors cite this book as a major source of inspiration firing off their creative lives and committment to said.

I urge you to check out this book, as it is one of the most alive, passionate things I have every found to help focus on creative work.

Peace Out

Trella

 

 

All Blues by Miles Davis- Guitar Version..Transcending the Pain of Life

Miles Davis’ Kind of Blue made me feel jazz and love it – the kind of blues (no pun intended) that I like that is, and I don’t like it all .. I think folks who say they don’t like it have heard a KIND that they don’t like and have yet to hear something so mellow and spiritual as tunes like All Blues, or Round Midnight ..I hope that is true.

Today is a lovely day as the birds feed out on the balcony.  I will return today to the deepest place in my heart and be fully present in all I do, guitar, washing clothes…all of it.  Anything and everything I do is a good time to feel the ecstasy of being fully present with nature, not censoring or judging anything that you feel or think, but instead letting the buddha within you address each and every thing that comes up and offer you comfort – allow you to no longer hide anything from yourself..In realeasing all that is being submerging the knack for full joy like a child returns once again and you are home, above all the pain – personal and worldwide, – breakups, death, was, Ebola, racial divides…can all be there and yet you may have joy, passion, ecstasy, even the feeling of the first time you fell in love–only better because this doesn’t rely on anther person to love you, it is within you-you are both the lover and the lovee- this sounds impossible but it is in fact very possible.

The ocean shows me one-ness: This is what I think of while enjoying the waves, sky, sand, birds, plants, cliffs…

The ocean is so vast.  The vastness of all that is–being so huge as it is– does not mean that we are insignificant (i.e. so tiny in comparison to the vast infinity that we don’t matter). Instead, it gives us HUGE significance, to know that in the infinite cosmos, we are the only ones (that we have seen so far) with water, love, flowers, dogs…it means we “hit the jackpot”.

…and we are not in some desolate place with no trees, no dogs, no cats, no sex, no water, no LIFE…. We are the only ones with LIFE and our human habit is– instead of appreciating all this–to suffer by hating people, being scared, thinking every moment about past pain, or fear of pain we may feel in the future, and WE MISS OUR PERFECT HUMAN STATE OF ALIVENESS IN WHICH THERE IS NO SUFFERING. There is no suffering in the here and now. The suffering in only from

  1. Remembering and feeling pain about the past,  or judging and finding fault with the past (I didn’t do good enough, they didn’t respect me…), or from thinking the past was so magic and great and now life sucks in comparison.
  2. Thinking of the future –worrying about it, or doing things (work, paying penance etc.) that we believe will give us happiness at some later time, thinking there is no way to have happiness without doing all these other things first.

We can notice  how vast “all that is” is, and notice that we won the statistically impossible – like that one in a million who get to be a movie star – We won Earth.

Earth is the “movie star” among all the planets and the infinite cosmos, and we have this amazing place–a dream come true of delicious food,fresh fruit,  breathing,  seeing colors, feeling the warmth of the sun, hearing/making great music, laughter, the sound of one another’s voices articulating the beauty of being human, and yet we hang around smack dab in the middle of this heaven we call earth, at this amazing miraculous event called life, and we hate, fear, worry, and conjure up awful versions of what is around us, rather than concentrating on the  999 percent that is all solid gold.

Instead of,  “let’s go enjoy it”—oh no, we can’t do that, first we have to spend a thousand years hating each other because we have different ideas about how it all got here, arguing about god, no god, evolution, intelligent design…..

We  are like a ship or vessel of life forms/humans, that was lost,  got tossed about, and landed in PARADISE – the BEST PLACE with the greatest capacity to feel love, joy, ecstasy, sublime peace and tranquility; to live in the affirmation of the tremendous dignity and sanctity of our own and all other sentient beings lives.  And somehow we as a species got confused, and in our attitudes a glitch came about, the glitch of anger, stress, low self-esteem, fear and confusion and inability to BE HUMAN—and inability to BE in the present moment. We got caught up in a negative loop that goes round and round of;  they are better, I want their car, money, attractive husband, etc,  or I am better, how dare they have part of my stuff (i.e. expect me to pay taxes).

So now what can be done?

How can humans appreciate all the cosmos/life/earth/nature / each other?

By being here and now, by feeling and learning from and releasing traumas, death of loved ones, and old grudges and regrets.

By acknowledging (as explained in the great book, The Tao of Physics), the past, present and future is all right now, not linear. We CAN be in the present:  there is no need for encumbrance from past.  And there is no need to fear the future, or engage in excessive preparation for the future.  Notice people like the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh , many others – joyful in the present.  It is humanly possible to be that way, not based on money or material success, but on noticing our breathing, and living mindfully.

We can embrace the concept that we are the ones that hit the jackpot of life, of nature, of living in this place so well suited to us. We can respect the nature, our part and place in it.  We can ALLOW ourselves to be/feel who we really are, human animals connected with the one-ness of all that is. We can use our intellect to direct us to the feeling place of peace and love and kindness, transcending prior (and current) approaches based on fear, hatred, closing off between groups in various places on earth and closing off between one person and another.

We act like it’s not ok to function as we were designed to function – to pee, poop , have sex –things we all do and pretend we don’t (well SOME of those things)– and we pretend people don’t die, and become sad when they do.  We pretend we can control life, when actually we are here to roll with it–the weather, the change of seasons, the always evolving, living, dying and living and dying of people/plants/animals.

We pretend we are immortal, and thus go for decades and decades without enjoying or feeling happy in life…to perhaps take a 2 week vacation in which we are supposed to get the reward of 20 years of not really being alive while we work at a job that has no meaning, that isn’t using our talents.  Or we  convince ourselves that  “If only I work the next 20 years, or until retirement, at a job that I force myself to go to,  and sacrifice all present enjoyment, I will have lots of money, or the perfect spouse or house, and then I can be happy.”

We pretend we don’t die:  Thus, we often disregard the present moment, acting like it doesn’t matter, imagining that it will matter some other time–tomorrow, or this weekend, or at the holiday break.  Think of a party that we are all invited to, called life, we know that the party is happening, but we don’t go.  We say we will go later. Alternatively, think like a little child who has not yet removed himself from living in the moment.  Someone comes and says lets go see the sights, play, laugh, roll in the grass, stare up into the sky, the kid goes.  He does not say “I can do that later” or I am holding out for a better party later, or the cool people won’t be there so I don’t want to go, or, that party won’t last forever so it isn’t any good.

We can stop pretending that some people are not human, and have compassion for all life, human and other, and build systems that reflect that, systems that foster the state in which we can frequently  EXPERIENCE the ECSTASY of being alive.  Feel our breath, the fresh air on our skin, a breeze caressing our skin when we walk outside in the morning, the lovely laughter of children playing, and cease our habit and systems that wall off our lives into buildings, cities, in which each person is expected to hoard items they “buy” after selling their time at a “job” that is not intrinsic to who they are. We can allow our planet and its humans to blossom out in the intrinsic thing that is who they are.

We can make art and design things that will help the planet heal, find ways to solve problems like garbage floating in the ocean and homelessness…. And base our economy on only things that help heal ourselves and the planet, exchange goods and services that help all, ceasing to run the world using economies that  harm millions while benefiting 10 or 20 wealthy people that own some big corporations.

Quote for the Day…

From The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius   59
  57. The sun appears to be poured down, and in all directions indeed it is diffused, yet it is not effused. For this diffusion is extension: Accordingly its rays are called Extensions [Greek] because they are extended [Greek]. But one may judge what kind of a thing a ray is, if he looks at the sun’s light passing through a narrow opening into a darkened room, for it is extended in a right line, and, as it were,is divided when it meets with any solid body which stands in the way and intercepts the air beyond; but there the light remains fixed and does not glide or fall off.Such then ought to be the outpouring and diffusion of the understanding, and it should in no way be an effusion, but an extension, and it should make no violent or impetuous collision with the obstacles which are in its way; nor yet fall down, but be fixed and enlighten that which receives it. For a body will deprive itself of the illumination, if it does not admit it.Marcus Aureliuss seems to say that showing your light is all that is needed to remove darkness, that you needn’t fight it, or try to prove that your light is right and the dark is wrong, just let that sucker SHINE!

A THOUGHT BY ALAN WATTS…Serious Business…Please dissolve in laughter!

“I LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THIS WAY OF SEEING THINGS AS ONE SINGS IN THE BATHTUB
OR SPLASHES IN THE SEA.
THERE IS NO MISSION, NOR INTENT TO CONVERT, AND YET I BELIEVE
THAT IF THIS STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS COULD BECOME MORE UNIVERSAL,
THE PRETENTIOUS NONSENSE WHICH PASSES FOR THE SERIOUS BUSINESS OF THE WORLD
WOULD DISSOLVE IN LAUGHTER.”

~ Alan Watts in This is It