Yes, it’s a Beatles song…not a very good time for me, since i played yesterday at a coffee house and was pretty miserable about the many mistakes I made in my songs.

So I figured the best thing to do is send love to YOU.  That, is, you, who are reading this.

Why would i do that?  It is better than withholding love, or spreading hate..  After living over half a century I finally just learned what happens when you withhold your love..

If you have a falling out, or a “neutral” relationship with someone in your family or even a former friend or the like, and that person dies…you will be in a lot of emotional turmoil if you never attempt to repair that rift.  That happened to me.

My mother who recently passed was not close to me as an adult.  As a child, I worshiped the ground she walked on, but as the years went by, she–a devout Christian–began to proselytize more and more:  a big turn off to me since I am a Zen kinda person who thinks that much religion divides and causes war.

So, as a result of this I did not show love to her.  Not that I was mean, but in the last few decades it was “How are you..Fine…ok bye” (typical phone conversation).

Now in that most wise hindsight, here is what I could have done, which I call “the loving way” to deal with people who you have a rift with .

I could have said “I respect your religion and I want to love you, I DO love you, you were a great mom when i was a little girl, and I have amazing memories of the wonderful magic you brought into my life, but now it feels like we are cut off emotionally from each other.  I don’t want that.  I would like it if you would accept that I have different views, and if you would accept ME as i am, i.e. a “non-believer” then I think our rift could be healed.”

I am not sure exactly what would be said…it doesn’t really matter.  The point is, I could have said ANYTHING, and it would have been better than her dying without me ever saying that it hurt to be cut off from each other, It would have been better to just cry with her, to talk to her about how hard it was to have an SOB for a husband, to tell her that I always felt she was so much better than me, what with her exercising every day and always eating small portions.

So, the take away from this is, it you have a rift with someone, especially a parent, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  You will be so much better off after they die, you will have a memory of them that will rest in peace, rather than a memory that is full of anguish and guilt.

Jus’sayin’

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